for better or worse

Is this just my dream? How hard should I push? How can I get this family on the same page (sometimes I'd settle for the same book) with the most enthusiasm or the least amount of resistance? These are the kinds of questions I'm wrestling with today. It's not the kids. If I can spin waiting in line at the checkout into something fun changing houses won't be so hard, but my husband is another story. If this is going to happen and really work he is going to have to be hugely invested.

If it was just money there would be no problem. He lets me do all sorts of things that he is 99% sure won't work if all that is at stake is money. (But he gives me that look, before, during, after.. way after..) But this is not just money it's changing our lifestyle. I'm asking him to commit with me to a big change. In fact, that's really what I need to fix. I need an escape route, a safety net.

I suppose we can design, build, and try it and see how that goes. If I can't make it work for the family we can always sell it. I know others have started to live small first, paring down in preparation, but I think that for us we would feel lost in our house, seeing the things that were gone and missing them would make it harder to let go of more.

Thus the duality of my nature. I am conditioned to want the "American Dream", which near as I can tell is whatever TV says it is. I am materialistic. It's a bad word, I know, but when the glass slipper fits... Some days I get caught in the "I want this" cycle and the next I'm ready to walk away from all my possessions and start fresh, thinking that somehow it will turn out better if I just start over. Talk about video game mentality, just hit reset.. but life does not work that way.

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